EVERY MAN'S BATTLE

When we think of the story of David and Goliath, we usually see the giant as David’s adversary.  Goliath was the adversary of all the men of Israel.  They were arrayed in battle opposite him long before David even showed up.  They were hopelessly emasculated by their enemy.  David’s presence is significant since he was the only man able to face down and defeat the giant.   Goliath was every man’s battle.

If there is a Goliath today in the lives of most men it is Internet pornography.  70% of adult men admit to regularly viewing Internet porn.  I suspect there are a whole lot more that don’t admit it.  Until recently it was only a few of us religious prudes that were warning of the inherent dangers of pornography.  I mean after all, it’s just a little harmless fun, right?  Today more and more psychologists are starting to warn of the potential damage pornography is inflicting on our world.  Experts say men who frequently view porn develop unrealistic expectations of women’s appearance and behavior, and have difficulty forming and sustaining genuine relationships.  Mark Schwartz, director of the Masters and Johnson clinic in St. Louis, Mo., says porn not only causes men to objectify women—seeing them as an assemblage of breasts, legs and buttocks—but also leads to a dependency on visual imagery for arousal.  Men, both single and married are allowing this counterfeit world of sexuality to twist how they view their spouse (or future spouse that each day becomes less likely to find, as their expectations grow increasingly unrealistic).

A survey of divorce lawyers say 2/3 believe online pornography now plays a significant role in the majority of divorce cases.  A whooping 15% of all men admit that Internet porn has taken over their lives and is negatively affecting their day to day functionality.  There was a time when men had to go out of their way to seek out pornography; mail orders that came in brown paper wrappers or late night visits to the Adult book store.  All that has changed.  Goliath has come to us.  Soft-porn is now regular fare on evening television.  Even daytime television has become highly sexualized.  2.5 billion porn emails go out every year.  Banner ads beckon us on almost every website.  And we have taken the bait.  A shocking quarter of all Internet searches worldwide are looking for porn.  The Internet is the crack cocaine of sexual addiction.

 

Make no mistake about it, this is not a grey area.  “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  (Matt 5: 28)  What can men do about it?  First, they need to tell someone.  Unlike David, I am yet to meet anyone who has defeated this giant by themselves.  They make a promise to themselves (and sometimes to God) and then fall right back into it during a weak moment.  The scripture says, “confess your sin one to another”.   Bringing the battle to the light is the only real hope for victory.  Like AA, find someone with whom you can be truly accountable.  Second, put a block on your computer and have your accountability partner hold the unlock code.  Honesty is key though.  Last week I suggested this to a struggling man and he told me he did that but he found a way around it.  He was shocked when I suggested that the next step was to get rid of the computer altogether.  It is no different than an alcoholic who keeps a bottle on his kitchen shelf where it tempts him everyday.  Third, is prayer.  Jesus said, “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation.” (Mark 14:38)  You would be surprised how interacting with the Lord in prayer when faced with temptation can bring instant victory.  When David defeated Goliath he never tried to do it in his own strength.  “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.”  1 Sam 17:4  Internet pornography is every man’s battle.  It is time for Christian men everywhere to rise up and kill this giant, before it kills them.

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29 Responses to EVERY MAN'S BATTLE

  1. Isaac says:

    Thank you pastor Mark for this article. I’d love to hear an in depth sermon on this, or on sex altogether. Obviously in just a short blog you cannot cover all the bases, because this one is a giant for nearly all men. But your main points are bang on.

    Porn is clearly and obviously sin, and not God’s plan for sex, we must confess our sin to ourselves, God, and a person we trust, and get support (James 5:16). We must do everything possible to remove the sin from us (Matthew 5:29-30). And we must learn to make God absolutely the centre of our lives, and stay in constant prayer with Him.

    Shame is a powerful tool Satan uses against us though. It keeps us from asking for help. I kept trying to quit on my own for years, and I was unable to. I lied and hid it from everyone. God dealt with me in January. During our 3 days of fasting I felt God sit me down like a father, and say “now we’re DEALING with this!”. So I joined overcomer’s in Christ (Christ centred 12 step program at COTR) and the Lord has given me the power to overcome my addiction. With the exeption of a few stumbles, I’ve been “sober” since January 15. Since I’ve done absolutely everything in my power to rid myself of Porn, and since Christ died for me, my shame is GONE!

    It’ll take a lot more than a blog for most to get healed, but it might be the kick in the pants some need to at least get started on the journey. Thanks for this!

  2. Marcel with a C says:

    The less we talk about it, the more it grows.

    Just a thought, what would happen if we would commit to ask 5 of the closest men in our life’s, eye to eye, do you ever watch porn on the internet. Always remembering Jesus famous words… He who has never sinned…

    Let’s find someone who trusts us and someone we trust!
    Accountability is a good and safe way to go.

    Thanks for talking about it pastor Mark with a K

  3. Gord says:

    “Make no mistake about it, this is not a grey area. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” ”

    That is a true statement, but one must consider the meaning of “lustfully”. It’ s an intense sexual desire. I don’t think a man should feel shame for noticing a woman is attractive. God made women attractive to men and the opposite is true. The lust comes in when you don’t care about the person; it’s only about having sex with them. The lust overrides everything else. Pornography will seem harmless, but in the end it leads to destruction. This is not a victimless crime or moral sin. There is no happy ending for anyone involved.

    But yes, if you feel that lust and cannot control it, you’ve got to get help. For me, just inviting Jesus into my heart was enough to permanently end my temptation with pornography and many other sins. Start with prayer, for if God has firm control of our hearts, sin becomes difficult. If that’s not enough, use a group, a buddy or anything you can do to become accountable. We need to tell someone who loves us enough to forgive us and help us move forward. When we allow Satan in, sin is effortless.

  4. Isaac says:

    Oh yeah, and if anyone needs a free blocker, there is K-9 Web Protection made by Blue Coat. It’s works well, it’s free, but you need someone to set the password for you. Like Mark said though, some will need to get rid of their internet entirely.

  5. Bruce says:

    Based on the lack of comments in this week’s blog perhaps you missed the mark with your title Pastor Mark, “Every Man’s Battle”. This table from Forbes a few years ago tells me that you did indeed get it right when you said porn is “Every Man’s Battle”.

    The Business Of Smut: What Is It Worth?
    Adult Video $500 million to $1.8 billion
    Internet $1 billion
    Pay-Per-View $128 million
    Magazines $1 billion
    Total $2.6 billion to $3.9 billion
    Sources: Adams Media Research, Forrester Research, Veronis Suhler Communications Industry Report, IVD
    http://www.forbes.com/2001/05/25/0524porn.html

    I personally (I’m in my 60′s) had my computer guy set up a content filter to block porn on my computer. Some folks think that’s ridiculous and that I shouldn’t need an internet Cop censoring what I can or cannot look at. I completely disagree. I’ll use every available tool to minimize the amount of temptation I’m exposed to.

    In spite of the filter it seems no matter what topic I am researching on the internet there is endless “opportunities” to partake of the forbidden porn fruit. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have the content filter in place. My accountability person is my wife. I have empowered her to keep me accountable. She can ask me anything she wants any time she wants. I have been blessed with an inability to lie. My wife or anyone else for that matter can tell at a glance if I’m lying. Besides I cherish and respect my sweetheart far too much to cheapen our relationship by allowing myself to get sucked into this filth.

    Am I tempted? You bet. By God’s grace and by maintaining completely candid open communication with the love of my life I have only been tempted. By God’s grace that is how it will remain.

  6. Isaac says:

    Actually the lack of comments proves Mark’s title right!

  7. Me says:

    I think that some of us have wives that would destroy us if we even mentioned this topic in front of them. That could be part of the reason there is such a small response. We are not all as fortunate to have any understanding that there is a thing called temptation whether we give into it or not. Just the possibility we are tempted could be enough to set our little princess off. I think I am correct when I say mercy is not something God has given to some wives on this topic. And I have to say thanks to that because this kind of problem deserves no mercy. This kind of problem turns men into cowards and makes us pathetic. There is nothing lower than a Christian man who can’t stop himself from staring at someone elses daughter naked. Am I being too hard? I don’t think so. God hates this stuff and so should we.

  8. An X-Wife says:

    I never thought that I would be making a comment on Pastor Mark’s Blog and most certainly not about this topic but as an ex-wife I want to share a few things. Pornogrphy was one of the factors that led to the end of my marriage. Because of my husbands distastifaction of my “performance” he branched out from Magazines, TV, movies and internet to other women. Pastor Mark is right when he talked about the degrading remarks and the absolute “must have” of a visual aid in order to have intimacy.
    There is a great deal of pain that comes from having a spouse that has been addicted to pornography for most of his life. To him it was a normal thing and in his mind lust and love were one and the same. As his wife I was expected to stick to the program when it came to all his ‘needs’ and to be submitted to having the “other woman” (porn) on during an attempt at intimacy. This was the most degrading thing a wife is expected to endure. Years into our marriage I became a believer and he stayed an unbeliever. But the Holy Spirit began a work in me that began to literally burn from me the felt need to stay in line and to continue to submit to the degredation expected of me. I can only say that there came a point when I felt that it wasn’t just me but also the Holy Spirit that was being degraded and forced to play the game. The Holy Spirit makes us aware of our sin and because I love the Lord more than anything else I set down the boundary lines and you can only imagine what transpired from there.
    This isn’t just every man’s battle, it is the battle of all the wives who are being sucked into the vortex of pornography. I like to think that had my husband made even the smallest attempt to admit his addiction and to turn away from this cancer of marriage that my heart would have been joyful and I would gladly have walked with him through the storms.
    One last point is that apparently 20 – 28% of all women admit to having an addiction to pornography.

  9. Isaac says:

    A porn addict not only needs to quit porn, he needs to rebuild his entire mindset towards women, sex, intimacy, love, self-worth, and God even because years of porn addiction destroys those parts of the mind. It needs to be replaced with good and holy stuff, like true respect for women, actually loving them like Christ loved the church, and desiring their mind and soul as much or more than their bodies.

    I think this is the renewing of the mind Paul talked about.

  10. Wounded by porn says:

    As a woman who married a man who had had a 15-year addiction to pornography by the time we were married, I believe porn is the single most destructive thing in a marriage/relationship. While dating, he was forceful and didn’t respect my physical boundaries. Single women, that is a huge red flag right there. I wish I had known then what I know now.

    As a wife, it made me feel inferior and ugly our entire marriage. I felt insecure. I felt like the only value I had to him was just what I could do for him sexually, and that’s it. I received no heartfelt loving embraces, only lustful groping ones. He only called me “beautiful” when he wanted to have sex with me. Whenever he wanted it, he looked at me with a wild-eyed lustful hungry look like I was a piece of juicy steak. It was as if something else had taken over his mind. There was no love in his eyes–just greed. He would thank me when he was done, like he had purchased a service. It was so degrading. It was like I was his fix, his valium. I felt so physically sick. He was so demanding sexually that many times in the dark, I obliged him with tears running down my cheeks because I felt so degraded. It felt like my heart was torn in two, and I have never felt so unloved in my life. It also broke my trust. Even as I write this, my eyes fill up with tears that threaten to spill over.

    His porn use prevented him from being capable of emotional intimacy. There was no emotional intimacy in our entire 13-year marriage. All I wanted was to be cherished like the treasure that God had created me to be. I wanted him to know me inside out and I wanted to know him inside out. I wanted to be one in spirit, mind, heart and body with him throughout our marriage. Porn made that impossible.

    As his wife, his inability to emotionally connect also left me extremely vulnerable to the advances of other men who were capable of emotional connection. From what I learned firsthand, a man can spot a vulnerable woman a mile away. I was a moving target.

    Most of the time, I learned to cope with the rejection and vulnerability by keeping myself busy with various projects, from excessive volunteering to helping anyone who needed a hand, to the point of burnout. As long as I kept really busy, I could avoid the extreme feelings of loneliness and rejection.

    Being healed from porn is more than just not doing it anymore. Porn use creates an attitude of entitlement, selfishness, impatience, and the inability to delay gratification. It also causes a man to treat a woman as merely an object for his own personal use–in many areas. In addition to stopping porn, it is imperative to seriously deal with the heart issues that led a man to use it in the first place in order for him to receive complete healing.

    Had he been willing to seek help and work on his issues, our marriage may have had a chance…

    Sincerely,
    A former wife

  11. anne says:

    I think that it is so important to realize that, like so many areas in our lives, this is a spiritual battle men (& their wives and families) are engaged in. Because it is a spiritual battle, it is going to take spiritual answers. We, as Christians, have to wake up and realize that Satan is going to use whatever he can to destroy us and our families. We have to be ready to fight for what is our right and heritage as children of the Living God – that includes all the fruit of the Spirit & to be in right relationship with God, ourselves, and others. As a wife, as I have realized that I am not in a battle with my husband (or the rest of the human race, for that matter), but rather that I am in a battle with spiritual forces, that has helped me in many areas to focus on the enemy (as opposed to the person) and to seek God’s ways. Let’s put the blame where it belongs – yes, we all have choices – but, the truth is, in order to defeat this problem and so many others, we have to defeat the kingdom of darkness, not each other. This is an area that is going to require a lot of prayer, discipleship, and cooperation in the Christian community if we & future generations are not going to be destroyed by the enemy. There is so much at stake.

  12. Me says:

    Anne, your comment is appreciated. Everybody’s a victim here on earth and everybody is an abuser. None of us are innocent. It is the devil we need to fight. Forgiveness is the way to destroy the devil’s plans. The devil hates it when we show love to someone we would hate in our own natural mind. If we only show love to those who are good to us the Bible says that is nothing at all. It is the love that is shown when we are abused that really counts. That is where the devil starts to cry. He thinks he can make us Christians hate when we are supposed to love. Let’s prove that snake wrong!

  13. Bruce says:

    Wounded by porn – thank you for sharing so transparently from a woman’s perspective. Your comments are accurate and articulate. May women and men “listen up” to what you have shared! It troubles us when we hear of a naive woman or man in the church commenting that because a person is a Christian and goes to church they can automatically be trusted. NOT. Trust is something that needs to be earned over an extended period of time. If you are not valued and respected before you get married you can bet it won’t happen after you get married

    My wife and I have had the privilege of sowing into marriages for the past 16 years. It has astounded us to see how many men are completely out of touch with their wives spiritual, emotional and physical needs. In fairness to the guys the same could be said of many wives.

    All too often the problem is that each spouse falls into the trap of desperately trying to get their partner “fixed”. None of us have any direct power over another person to change them. But we can take constructive steps in our own lives.

    Anne there is much truth in the principles you have shared. In large part because my wife waged spiritual warfare on behalf of me and our marriage today we enjoy a great marriage relationship. I said great, not perfect. My wife is about as perfect as a human being can be but alas perfect she ain’t. As for me we just won’t go there. But we have learned to love, cherish and respect one another in spite of our imperfections. That is the key – WE HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE, CHERISH AND RESPECT ONE ANOTHER IN SPITE OF OUR IMPERFECTIONS.

    However we have often seen individuals fall into one of two traps and the devil very much likes it that way. If I just sit around praying and getting others to pray for me I probably will not experience lasting victory. On the other hand if I just try harder and harder again I will probably not experience lasting victory. When we go exclusively down either road it results in us remaining defeated. Our loved ones lose. We lose. The devil wins.

    I have not struggled with pornography but I sure have struggled with anger. No matter. Sin is sin. My good wife waged warfare for years on my behalf concerning my anger. But one day she looked me in the eye and dared to speak the truth to my face in a spirit of concern and love. She gently declared that I had a problem with anger. It was my problem, not hers. She would continue to pray for me, love me, always be there for me in our marriage and in every way she possibly could she would respect me. However the anger was my problem and she was no longer going to make excuses for me or try to appease my anger. She served me notice that day that, “MY ANGER WAS MY PROBLEM AND I HAD TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT PERIOD”. Her bold declaration that day broke the stronghold anger had over me. I still struggle with anger but no longer does it control my life.

    It is my belief that if we are serious about gaining victory over anger, pornography or any other stronghold we have to both wage spiritual warfare and at the same time get off our undisciplined and just plain lazy duffs and press into righteousness. One of the greatest gifts us men can give our children is to love their mothers with a wholesome, healthy, pure love. Much of that can be learned and practiced. This means making a conscious effort to change. It ultimately takes both prayer and perspiration for us to see real lasting change happen in our lives.

  14. Bananas says:

    Interesting Read
    Stop Candy Coating
    I believe I am to share because I can understand being a reformed porn viewer( addict) since young childhood. Thank you Lord for my reform and for my brother and sisters in Christ for there devout help. I can only say if you are young and you have friends trying to share this with you run. This falseness play games on your mind for me it went to uncle sex abuse , my penis became my converter and masturbation became my addiction, this lead to disrespect for women, a stint at running prostitutes, penis envy, depression and sickness on and on sad. Its alive and it’s a killer and is being use to destroy and pollute the minds and very beliefs we stand for, Porn should be put in the top 5 things in everyday prayer if you know someone confront them, enough of this mamby pamse attitude as we pray against this enemy we will have the Victory. Amen and Amen

  15. Hmmmm says:

    I find this blog very interesting as I have just encounted a “unique” situation in the workplace. I work in the aviation industry and recently a passenger pulled out his Playboy magazine during the flight. There were no other passengers in the row beside him and no children present onboard, however there was an elderly couple sitting in the row behind him. I discreetly requested that he put his magazine away until the flight was over as I found his reading material offensive. He complied, but I could tell by his manner that he was not happy about it. A few days later I received a call from a company manager in regards to the customer writing in to voice his dipleasure at my request and saying that his rights were violated as he has the option to read what he wants and that the company should not be censuring his reading materail. Our company manager then went on to state that some people find reading the Holy Bible offenseive on the aircraft. I was really taken aback as I felt that all the company cared about was their “paying passenger” and not my right to a Harrassment Free workplace. I really like my job and the company I work for is pretty good as well, however I was rather schocked at the comparrison of the Bible to Playboy. Apparently the paying passenger’s rights supercede mine. Interesting isn’t it, how about propriety. Yes, one has the right to read what one wants, but I do think that there is a place for it. I am not trying to sound prudish here, but this is my place of work, why do I have to be subjected to this? The company has no policy on this, just that they are concerned about being sued and losing in court. They are not the least bit concerned about my feelings……..I think everybody just wants this to go away (including myself) but what do I if it happens again. I need my job…and as I mentioned earlier, I like my job. This passenger obviously has a big problem if he can’t go 90 minutes without his porn fix. I am really p’od to say the least and not looking forward to my next flight at all! Some people, honestly.

  16. Gary says:

    I feel bad for the young women in this world who are looking for Mr. Right and have to consider what skeltons are in a man’s closet. Obviously with such a high percentage of men looking at pornography the pickings seem pretty slim. I think more has to be done in this area with men admitting their problems and tackling them head on. I know that addictions are hard to overcome as that is very obvious so they do need counselling, support and accountability. For sure Jesus Christ is the the answer and the person has to be committed to the fight. Don’t be ashamed if you need help as the alternative of continuing to live with that torment day after day will eventually destroy you and those you love. God Bless

  17. Steve says:

    If someone has a problem with porn, they need to keep getting back up again and never give up. You are done when you accept this as part of your life. You are done when you don’t see anything wrong with it. You may fall but don’t ever stop getting back up. If you stop getting back up you are in really big trouble. Pornography is from the pit of hell so fight it like you are fighting for your life. The Bible says the devil will flee from you if you continuously resist him. If you think you are done for, just take the pain of what you have done and remind yourself the next time you get a stupid idea in your head that no matter how bad you feel you will not go and sin again. This kind of thinking can be used with any kind of problem. The biggest reason people sin I believe is because of their own low self image. If you fight evil and win over and over, you will start to get a better self image. You will start to see yourself the way God sees you. This will not happen instantly but like I said don’t ever give up. The Lord wants to make you a warrior. In order to be a warrior, you have to fight! Oh and tell someone you trust what you are dealing with as well. God bless!

  18. Evelyn Bennett says:

    This response is a little late however I do have a strong response.

    The reason why I am still single is because I fear for my emotional and physical well being when it comes to the marital bed.

    The question that goes through my heart, why is this man interested in me?

    is it for the wedding night, or is it to have and to hold and live our lives according to God’s purpose?

    I suffered a distorted eyeview since childhold due to sexual abuse. The message received: I was put on this earth to service man not serve man according to God’s purpose.

    Do not blame man’s sexual behavior just on the internet. The porno magazines were here way before that.

    I hope that God can repair the damage not only for me but whoever is suffering the same thing.

  19. Karen says:

    Maybe if we as parents started out by teaching our children (boys AND girls) that this form of media is demoralizing, degrading, and just plain wrong, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
    God created sex for husband and wife to be enjoyed together in a marriage. Not for us to watch on TV, read about in a “dirty” magazine, or sit in a bar and gawk.
    The sooner we take responsibility for our children’s sexual education, the sooner we can put the creators of porn out of business.

  20. Evelyn Bennett says:

    There is an old saying garbage in garbage out.

  21. Steve says:

    How about this? Parents start swallowing their pride and stop putting insane expectations on their kids? Parents start actually following Christ with all their heart? Parents admit where they are wrong? How about parents caring more about their child then their own reputation? Do you think this will help children want to listen when their parents tell them something? There’s alot more to getting people to stop sinning then just flapping our lips at them. There’s alot of religious BS in the church that God could care less about. God cares about where our heart is not where our mouth is at and so do little children!

  22. Steve says:

    If that last comment sounded rude at all I apologize. I could have said it in a nicer way. I’ve just seen alot of talk out of people about one subject but when it comes to getting something else out of their lives that is evil they just keep letting it slide(myself included). I believe that God hates alot of things that many Christians consider nothing at all.

  23. Ange says:

    Decided to check out Mark’s blog and have to respond to this one. I unknowingly married someone who was addicted to porn. He felt his struggles would be over once he had a wife, but it wasn’t . His struggle with porn images and ideals affected our relationship very negatively.

    His problem progressed to the point, where he was making holes through our walls to spy on any female who used our washroom, even my teenage sisters.

    After 15 years of a struggling marriage, and a fear for my children’s safefty, I separated and then divorced him. He never did overcome his addiction.

  24. Karen says:

    I really appreciated Steve’s comment about “God hates a lot of things that many Christians consider nothing at all.” Porn is not the only topic where this is true in so many areas of society. I know that my next paragraph(s) are a little off the original topic.
    God does not think that it is an “insane expectation” to teach our children right from wrong. (Deuteronomy 6) I’m not the perfect parent. My children are not perfect either (mostly because I’m one of their parents.) But I’m doing the best I can with what God has given to me.
    I often feel that sometimes we have become a generation that doesn’t have expectations for our children. I have to admit that my children’s upbringing is a lot less strict than my own. But, I always knew right from wrong. (Oh, and by the way…porn is wrong) That was made clear, and I never felt that it was an unrealistic expectation.
    I am more than aware that my children are not only listening but they are watching me as well. I strive to be the best example to them that I be and often I find myself apologizing because some days I am not the greatest example. (Religion is something that is done on Sunday….Life lived in Christ is done every day, all the time.)

  25. Steve says:

    You sound like a great parent Karen. I think it’s great that parents teach their kids to hate porn. I didn’t mean expectations about porn when I said that I meant more about people pushing their kids to be super successful and only showing their kid love if they perform properly. This could destroy the spirit of a child making them more likely to turn against the parents teaching. You don’t do this obviously.
    Another thing that could confuse a child I believe is when we say don’t look at porn but at the same time we are watching shows that are filled with dirty jokes and sexual immorality. It kind of defeats the purpose. I used to go to a mens breakfast where they would play movie clips and then get a message about God from them. One time they played a blatantly sexual scene in front of a little boy that was at the table. No one said anything except me and one other guy. Not only did the boy see it but so did everyone else at the restaurant. What a great witness! Those guys would rather serve their own agenda then God’s. I had fun with them but I found they didn’t really care about what God’s heart desires so I left. Funny thing is, it is almost the same thing wherever I go. I don’t think when God tells us to get rid of all idols in our lives that He was saying it lightly. And I don’t think that if we do we will be sorry either but it will be a huge struggle that God says we can win.

  26. GREG says:

    I am so glad I tuned in to your show today,
    I read your blog and it was so true ,Thank you so much for your info on how to defeat Goliath A-MEN

  27. kurt says:

    I’ll start off by identifying myself. I’m a single mid 20′s male. I have looked at internet porn from time to time ( maybe 4-5 times a year) but I wouldn’t consider myself addicted. It’s a sinful struggle in my life just like other sins.

    I think one of the biggest factors that keep men from admitting they struggle with pornography is shame.

    The majority of women in the world think that any man who looks at pornography is a “pervert”, which isn’t true. Yes, men who look at pornography are sinning and doing something very wrong but they aren’t all perverts. And I think this pre-concieved notion really restricts men from asking their spouse or ppl they know for help. No man wants to be thought as a pervert.

    I’m not trying to justify anything or say that pornography isn’t a strong evil because it is. I am saying that I think the women of this world need to realize that pornography affects almost every man on God’s green earth and with that realization, they need to change their attitude about men in their life who may look at porn. Like a husband, or boyfriend who struggles with alcoholism or gambling, you must attack the problem from a loving stand point and not an angry demeaning one. I think that the majority of men who genuinely want help from porn won’t seek it until they feel that their partner or society in general won’t crucify them if they admit they have a problem.

    I’m not telling women to be accepting of men who look at porn. It is a sin and a disease and an addiction and needs to be stopped. But in order for a man to admit he has a problem with it, he needs to feel that he can confess his struggles without being judged as a “pervert”.

    And to all the women out there…there appears to be a hypocrisy out there when it comes to porn. I know a lot of women who deem porn as extremely offensive and consider men who look at porn to be perverts. And after their rant they grab their “romance novel” with the half naked man on the front cover with bulging biceps and lovingly sigh as they escape deep into their fantasy world.

    I read an article by James Dobson in which he says that “romance novels” are women’s pornography. And he makes a good point.
    Men want sex. Women want romance. Both things were created by God as a beautiful exchange between husband and wife. When a man feels his wife isn’t as sexy as say Pam Anderson, he looks at porn and lusts after another women’s flesh. When a woman feels her husband isn’t as romantic as the men in her books, she opens that book and lusts for romance. It’s both lust. Just in different cases. Both parties are lusting after something that they feel their partner isn’t giving them enough of so they find it in other places. I’ve shared Dobson’s article with women and they kind of push it aside and say “whatever”. But I definitely think there is merit to it.

    I’m not bashing women in any case. I’m just saying that women need to realize that “lust” is a tricky sin that grasps us all. And yes, porn is definitely more offensive then a book with Fabio on the cover. Let’s just remember that porn is an addiction like drugs or alcohol or gambling and lets “attack” the issue from a standpoint of love and helping instead of condemning and judging.

  28. Thanks for the good writeup. It actually was once a leisure account it. Look complicated to more added agreeable from you! However, how could we keep in touch?

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